Coping with Grief at Christmas

Christmas is the time of love, sharing and goodwill. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always allow things to be so simple and sometimes takes the things we love away from us. This makes Christmas an especially painful time of year for those who have lost loved ones and friends.

Find a Structure

Christmas is a time when our usual structures, be it work, study or otherwise, are shelved. Ordinarily, people look forward to this downtime. For those who are in a bad place in their lives, suffering from depression or, for us specifically, suffering a loss, it invites us to dwell on things. That’s why it’s important to plan ahead and stay connected during the festive period.

Planning

Whether it be connecting with family, speaking with friends, watching television, or visiting Christmas markets, it’s important to have a plan to fill your time. This will keep you on track and put momentum behind you. These don’t have to be rigid plans that can’t adapt, but make sure you always have something scheduled to keep you moving onto the next moment.

Don’t Lock Yourself into Old Traditions

There may have been activities, rituals and traditions that you and your deceased loved one may have engaged in every year. Do not feel obligated to adhere to these old traditions as usual. Consider first the effect you think they might have on you. It may be that continuing is a fitting tribute to them. However, it may be that trying to relive old traditions may cause you more hurt than anything.

Do what feels right

Everyone grieves differently. How we cope and how long is completely individual to each person. Don’t put pressure on yourself to entertain or host. We have written a lot about planning. After you have made plans and you’re approaching the time to follow through, you should consider how you feel. Even the best laid plans might not be right. When the time comes, if there is something that will make you feel better or you realise something is going to make you feel worse, plans should change.

Find ways to Honour Them

There are many ways to pay tribute to those who have passed. You will likely know best what feels fitting for your situation. We do have some ideas to get you thinking though:

• Visit their place of rest, be it a gravestone, where ashes have been spread, etc
• Speak of your fondest Christmas memories with them.
• Do something small. Play their favourite Christmas song/Serve their favoured desert.
• Create a new Christmas tradition in their honour.
• Make or buy a dedicated Christmas decoration incorporating a photo of them.

Be Prepared for Emotional Triggers

You’re not expected to be an emotional rock during this period. After potentially decades of shared history, there are going to be moments that take you off guard. It may be a moment of quiet reflection alone, listening to a specific piece of music or visiting a certain place. Expect them and know that it is completely normal that grief comes in peaks and troughs.

You are Not Alone

While the specifics of the grieving process are unique to everyone, grief is not. Reach out to others who knew the deceased. Share memories at Christmas. If your circle is smaller and you have limited points of contact with others. There are still services to reach out to during the Christmas period.

Normally, we would advise contacting our team for assistance. This time, we recommend charities like Cruse, Sue Ryder or Winston’s Wish (specialising in support for children), who offer advice and services to support the bereaved.